Moving is hard, yo

Packing up 6 years of life, 3 floors of apartment space, 2 nervous but snuggly kitties and a huge bucket full of sentimental memories is hard work.

We've said good-bye to my family. My 7 year old niece wouldn't stop with the hugs and made us promise we'll skype. My 71 year old aunt can't hear too much about the details of our new beachside cottage without getting teary-eyed.

We've said good-bye to our friends. Tons showed up to say "see you later" and make promises that they're already planning their left coast vacations. All insisting we stay with them when we come home to visit.

The Pod is 24 hours away from being picked up and beginning its journey across the 2,800 miles. Though strategically selecting what we will be taking and not taking, as well as what we need immediately and what we don't has been challenging.

There are still way too many items in our apartment that need a home .... or a dump, before we can drive off into the sunset on Sunday morning.

But through all of this - I've got Marrv by my side, and watching us go through all of this change, stress, emotionally exhausting good-byes but still coming out with smiles and smooches for one another at the end of the night and first thing in the morning brings me so much joy. We're going to make it through this, we're both excited for what's ahead of us and we're both realizing how strong our relationship and partnership is - going to be a rather amazing journey.

Oh yes...

We got our photos back and they are ah-ma-zing. Our photographer (my dear friend Summer Gibbs) captured every single moment of joy, laughter and love throughout the day. Just looking at them, we instantly feel like we're right back in the middle of it - and that's a very good thing. I couldn't be happier. Now...to get to the recaps, and work on the photo albums (how do you possibly pick 100 photos out of 800 stunning shots!?) --- all while packing up and organizing for a cross-country move? We'll get there...we always do.

In the mean time though, I have to share a few.

And the delay drags on

So remember how I was all "I'm totally recapping but need some time to just breathe and relax"? Yeah, well instead of time to breathe and relax, Marrv and I have decided let's just make this newlywed time as manic as possible by up and moving. Across the country.

Big news to share. In just four weeks from now, Marrv and I are going to bundle up our little kitties in our new car (new used car that is. and that we haven't purchased yet) and drive from our comfortable life in Philadelphia to start a new adventure in a new apartment (yet to be obtained) with two new jobs (these we DO have) in San Diego, CA.

So much is still up in the air - we only just accepted the positions this past weekend. What we do know is that we're leaving the ice scrapers and winter jackets (well we'll take one...you know for when we CHOOSE to find snow in the mountains somewhere) behind.

I'm sure by the time I'm back on here regularly anyone who ever listened/read my rambling posts before will be gone but I do promise to be back. And lord knows I think I just gave myself A LOT to write about on the other side of the whole wedding thing!

Keep our sanity (and bank accounts) in your prayers!

A New Chapter

Sure, most would say that committing out loud in front of family and friends to love, honor, and cherish one another til death do us part is a pretty big "new life chapter" signal. And I do agree. But you know what really brought it home for me? Filling out a little form called SS-5: "Application for a Social Security Card". ie. changing my last name.

I've spent a great deal of time over the past year thinking about this issue. And I went back and forth on what I thought I wanted to do several times. On the one hand, I felt so tied to my birth name - more specifically, the feeling it gave me of connection to my birth family. With both my parents deceased, there was a part of me that felt keeping my name would keep me tied to them. Plus, throw on top of that the feminist argument raging around in my head asking "why does the woman have to make the change?" I don't think I really need to go into too much detail here on that argument, because I'm pretty certain anyone reading this blog has had a similar debate at one point or another and are familiar with where I'd go with that one...

Then of course there's the whole hyphen two name solution. This was actually Andrew's favored solution. But even for as much as we kept coming back to it - it just didn't feel right to me. And when he pressed me to explain why I didn't want to have both, when that seemed the perfect solution to all my wavering...I simply knew that this was one of those "wedding/marriage" aspects that I fell into the traditionalist category.

And that really shocked me. And it still does. I officially changed it and am now known to the US Government (and my work) as Mrs. Marrvelous. And yet, it is still so incredibly strange to me. Seeing my new name on my work email makes me do a double take. I tried to tag a photo on Facebook and typed in my maiden name and when "I" didn't pop up anymore wondered "What the hell! where am I!?" until it dawned on me, oh yeah - that name no longer exists. And all of those tiny moments of confusion continue to hit me with the enormity of this change (at least for me) and each time I'm left wondering again, so why did I change it?

Now after breaking down and telling you how I got teary eyed filling out the social security application...I do want to say that for every moment of sadness I feel when it dawns on me that the old name is out, I have ten moments of happiness thinking about creating this new family with Mr. Marrv. I know my brothers and sister are still just that...whether we share a last name or not. And I love the connection I now have with my parents in law.

So for those of you who have gone this path before me, it becomes more comfortable, right? And am I the only one who instantly feels 10 years older being called a "mrs"?

Settling In

So even by my on and off blogging standards, I've been awfully quiet the last few weeks. Following the wedding weekend we were off to Florida for the holidays with family. And then when we returned we had a few days remaining before my in-laws flew home to Scotland. We spent a great deal of effort trying to absorb every minute we could with them as we know we won't see them again until Christmas 2011 - and that's a very hard realization.

Top it all off with a cold and trying to find the motivation to return to work after such an amazing few weeks off...well, I'm a little at a loss for blog writing at the moment.

But I will be back soon and hopefully with photos! We're still waiting on the professional ones and I'm going to wait for those for recaps though I'll start with events before the "big" day since I have my own shots of those events.

Here is my favorite from our first night in Florida though... a beautiful south Florida sunset as husband and wife! This is the image I keep going to in my mind - it's where my head is at the moment ... content, comfortable and happy.

Introducing Mr and Mrs Marrvelous

Not a lot of time to write but just had to post a little "Yippee! We're hitched!"
The weekend was perfect - mishaps occurred and it was still the most perfect 72 hours of celebrations. Better than we imagined and so full of laughter, tears and joy. We're off to Florida in the morning with family for the holidays (not the real honeymoon but man am I looking forward to sleeping in, reading my book in the sunshine, eating a lot of cheese and drinking a lot of wine, and not having to coordinate anything!). When I'm back I'll definitely do recaps because not only do I really want to share but I want to preserve all of our memories and feelings before they escape.

I also really wanted to send a huge Thank You to the many wonderful women who comment here from around the blog world ... to say thank you for all the support in getting to this day - during those "oh my I'm so overwhelmed and if I have to be responsible for one more thing I might shout and storm out" moments, I simply thought back on the many emails, comments, posts exchanged back and forth. That's all it took most of the time to remind myself to take a deep breath and ... smile. So thank you.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with one of my favorite (non pro) photos:

Giving Thanks

Sunday night, lying on one section of our L shaped couch with book in hand, snuggled under big fluffy blanket. Marrv lying on the other section of the L shaped couch intently watching football, snuggled under really plush blanket with both kitties snuggled right in there with him.

He turns to me and asks "What are you thankful for this year?" - just a hint of a smile on his face.

I say nothing, and simply point at him, then at his chest where Reina is curled in between her papa and the couch, then lower at his feet where Sammy J lies comfortable in his position as king of the house.

The moments of stress - wedding related, career related, finance (or lack thereof) related all fade out of mind as I think about our family (not solely by blood).

The family on one side that has instantly welcomed me and accepted me as one of their own. Made me feel comfortable and loved like they've known me forever. The family on the other side that has supported me through some devastating lows and a lot of really wonderful highs for the past 30+ years and make me who I am today.

And this year...for my baby family that's just really starting to take hold and blossom and grow. I'm a happy, and deeply thankful, girl.

Avoidance

We've been cranking through our to-do list. Still on the high of being so close and feeling productive (I'm sure it'll crash and burn soon and I'll be near hysterics and screaming "but what about stickers for the out of town boxes" at a high pitch squeal and hopefully I'll remember to just let it all go...but anyway....)

There's just this one small issue I've been avoiding - avoiding thinking about, avoiding creating a plan, and even avoiding writing about here. But then today's A Practical Wedding post happened. And I realized, I have to start confronting it.

The "IT" you ask? The IT is that on a day when Marrv and I will be surrounded by the most important people in our lives and to show our commitment in building our family together, three of the most important people in my life won't be there. My mother went first. She passed away when I was 15. Next was my brother, the second oldest in the family, bringing my siblings count from four to three when I was just 27 years old. Then, about two weeks after I turned 30, and just before he turned 72, my dad died.

I make jokes that the wedding isn't that large because my family keeps getting smaller. We're all dying off. I won't go into great detail about the impact this has had on my relationship with Marrv (I'll save that for another post), but I have noticed that now that I have my partner, he is certainly the target of a lot of my worry, concern and fear. He and I both know that every time I nag about how much red meat he eats and how it's bad for his heart (usually as I am also trying to sneak a bite of the very same bacon cheeseburger..) that it's really my fear of losing him, my need to control the relationships in my life that is the cause. Every day when I harp on the need to take daily vitamins, we know why.

Bad Blogger

So the last time we were here, we saw the heroine of this story in the middle of a melt down and feeling as if she was sinking into the many demands of life and so scared she would continue sinking until smothered her.

Well I'm here to tell you....I'm baaaack. (you know, until the next time it all becomes too much that is!)

It was certainly strange there for a bit. I'm not sure I can even adequately put into words how "overwhelmed" I was feeling. And it wasn't just the wedding. It was life. The wedding simply was that final straw that always seemed to push and push and push on everything else. It just fully dawned on me how much was going on with work, keeping up with my friendships, travels and then the wedding too. And one day it really hit me - both of my parents are deceased, my in-laws live in Scotland, my matron of honor lives in California and as much as Marrv may want to be involved, he works 8am to 9pm most days - making for a not overly involved groom. That leaves little ol' me. But Marrv was there through it all, took the brunt of my harsh reactions and emotional melt downs (had a few of his own) and here we are, on the other side of it and feeling way more excited and happier.

And I had a birthday this week! We celebrated by jetting off to the mountains with friends for a few nights. We kicked ass in a "sangria-off" among the group(Or maybe it was the sangria that kicked our ass....) and partook in hilarious games of Cranium where there are no other words to describe my ability other than "On Fire! Huzzah!" (Yes, I may have shouted that a few times. And again, I blame the sangria). Marrv spoiled me rotten, and I probably got the best gift from the in-laws...in the card they mailed over, they included a photo of little Marrv on his tricycle, with a little red rain slicker, little blue wellies (this was Scotland after all) and just the cutest little look on his face. It now resides on the table next to the bed - something for me to glance over and help to put a smile on my face at times when I may need a reminder of what it's all about.

To wrap up this long ramble ... tomorrow I'm taking a lunch time trip to a jeweler! To discuss wedding bands and other possible new fun jewelry! And I am SOOOO excited. There are so many bits and pieces to the wedding and some of them are cool but honestly, you could probably go 10 different ways on the decision and be ok with it. Or some things that you do because you "have" to - for whatever reason. Then there are the things that you can't stop thinking about because to you, they're the things that really matter. And for me, this is one of those things. I know objectively that a ring doesn't make a marriage. But I cannot wait to slip on that band. When I think of it, to me, all I think of is the commitment and family that we are busy creating and building.

Fingers crossed these jewelers are "the one"!

Mini Melt Downs

I have been quite remiss in blogging lately. I feel like I have a lot of things to talk about (is it possible to have TOO many things to talk about?) but just don't feel like I have a minute to myself lately, let alone to write. I've been traveling every weekend, work is uber busy at the moment with a conference in Boston coming up at the end of the month, trying to fit in happy hours/dinners/drinks/walks by the river with friends who I haven't seen in weeks, not to mention that football is about to start so there go our Sundays. I admit it, tailgating Eagles' games is way more fun for me than debating the value of wedding favors. true.

But in any case, there's just been so much going on that I feel like I'm losing myself a bit.

We are officially, today, 100 days out from the wedding! (people are always astonished I know the exact number, and then I remind them I have a countdown on my blog - which right now is helpful but I think when it hits 50 I may have to put a big black censor bar over it) I am so freakingly excited for being so close - 100 days out means 97 days until Marrvelous's marvelous parents arrive, 99 days until we're sipping on cocktails and local cuisine with family and friends at our house watching most of them meet for the first time, it means 102 days until we take off with the in-laws, my sis and my aunt for a week in Florida and it means 108 days until Wizarding World of Harry Potter!! (comes a close second behind big days I'm excited for in the next few months :)

I've started working on the invites. A bit of a DIY endeavor with the help of a good friend. And thank god for her because if not, let's just say I would have had the printer and the computer (along with the blasted Illustrator software) out the window and on the curb out front within 10 minutes. Then quickly followed by a drain on my wallet as I whipped out the credit card to pay several hundreds of dollars for invitation suites made off-site. We made progress though, and hopefully finishing the deal next week - and will certainly share after they go out.

Still debating about having them printed professionally -- could use some help, is this something Kinkos/Staples could do? Or should I find a little mom and pop printing shop in Philly? It's probably no more than 80 pieces all together so I'm hoping the fee wouldn't be too bad. Thoughts?

Look Out Oprah!!

(And yes. There will be Cheezborger! Cheezborger! involved. And no pepsi, coke!)

I'm coming to your house! Or rather, one of your bajillion houses all over the world.

Heading to Chicago tomorrow morning for a quick mini girls' weekend away! My group of girl friends from college, who I've talked about on here before - see here and here - are spread out all over the country (and actually world...we've got one who currently resides in India with hubby and baby). Close friends for over 10 years now and I feel so lucky every day that these 5 fabulous women are still in my life.

With age though comes a)being spread out all over the world b)marriages c)real jobs that require us to actually work and not take as much time adventuring as we'd like d) multiple babies (!). We all decided at the beginning of this year that we could use a girls only weekend - it's been so long since we've done something like this and then it became a question of where. Since there is a west coaster and many east coasters, we settled on Chicago. And just as it took forever to find a weekend that worked for all of us, well, what started as a 6 person trip is now down to 3. Oh well, life happens.

But us 3 are planning on totally living it up with deep dish pizza, booze, bike tours (Oprah's house!), dinner at one of Rick Bayless's restaurants (I'm counting down the minutees), plenty of good old fashioned mid-western charm and more booze.

Enjoy the weekend!

How It All Started

After meeting Marrvelous, I have become a firm believer in the idea that things happen for a reason. I know a lot of the time people cling to that little phrase in order to justify or alleviate the confusion they feel after something bad or upsetting has happened. But the situation with Marrvelous and me at the very early stages of our relationship just made us both realize that when one door closes, it's because another one is going to open and help you continue on the right path. (sidenote: I think that will be the last cliche in the post...maybe)

It was a Thursday night in late February 2009. I was exhausted from work, and to be honest, exhausted from life. Or rather, the romantic life. A month earlier I had finally, officially ended a two year relationship that had been teetering on the edge of destruction from almost the beginning. Two people who wanted different things and yet took (way too) long time to determine that once and for all.

So back to the Thursday evening when I went home from work debating whether I would actually go to the happy hour/night out for a newish friend's birthday. I told myself I'd nap, skip the happy hour part, and see if I felt up for the festivities a bit later in the night. I awoke to several messages from friends who were already out celebrating, encouraging me (and harassing me) to get out and get some drinks. So I did.

The One You Always Dreamed About...

Just about three weeks ago, I did it. I went dress shopping.

Since getting engaged, I definitely had spent a good chunk of time over the past 6 months or so looking at dresses online and in magazines. I was also well aware of my limited budget, plus honestly, there is a part of me that just screams "you only wear it once, for one day" over and over inside my head. Don't get me wrong, I fell instantly in love with every Monique Lhuillier, one or two Jim Hjelm and quite a few Melissa Sweet. I also incorporated many hours on the Weddingbee classifieds, Recycled Bride pages and PreOwned Wedding Dresses. But then I always got freaked out about sizing and what the dress really looked like in person, the feel of the fabric, the weight of it...and I could never bring myself to buy one.

I had it in my head that I would visit Nordstroms (for the customer service alone it makes me want to open my wallet), Saks, Bloomies, etc and see what I could find off the rack. Not only did I think these would fit in my budget, but I have a confession. As much as I love buying new clothes, and I thought the dress part could be fun and really pretty and all of that -- I get a little antsy about being the sole center of some salesperson's attention. I don't think it's just that sometimes salesclerks can be pushy, or that you walk away buying 5 more products or articles of clothing you didn't even need (and jeez, 1 hour in Target lets me know I'm capable of overbuying all on my own, I don't need a trained salesperson to help). I think it's also because I just like the independence and having that quiet moment with your own thoughts before having several people flock around you and tell you 'get this' or 'try this'.

So with all of these different thoughts running through my head, I made an appointment at a local shop with the intention of a Nordstroms' visit immediately after, called up my aunt who I'm super close with and said "Um, do you want to go with me while I look at dresses?". She was pretty touched that I asked her, of course I wanted her there, but my thinking also involved the following:
1. My mother passed away when I was 15
2. My mother in law lives in Scotland
3. The one person, my MOH, that I've asked to "stand up" for us lives on the other side of the country
4. How could I possibly subject other friends to the horror of sitting in a bridal shop for hours while I walked in and out of the dressing room huffing and puffing my way through a ton of dresses!

Day 1

Dropped Marrvelous at the airport at 3:30 this afternoon for a 10 night work trip to Denver. After parking the car back in the city, I immediately walked to our favorite special treat spot - yogorino. We always go together, it's like a mini-date night...get our favorite toppings, walk back towards the house, stop off in Rittenhouse Square to eat the yumminess. It almost felt like cheating by going by myself tonight. But I needed the pick me up. I then came home, got in comfy clothes and promptly ordered Young Victoria off the tv - a movie I was positive he wouldn't be upset to have missed (but I thought it was great). Now I'll finish the evening by flipping through InStyle in bed.

Sigh.

Only 9 more nights to go.

Writer's Workshop: 30 Things I vow to do this Summer

I came across this make up your own list of "30 Things I Vow to do This Summer" on Mama's Losin' It blog by way of You Just Can't Google Everything, which by the way is an awesome blog name though I do Google everything.

So I thought, what better way to get in gear and produce a to-do list (with hopefully some fun things thrown in it) than distract myself at work with another blog post!

1. Thoroughly enjoy myself on all-girls' Chicago weekend trip
2. Finally try a quinoa recipe
3. Go to the beach
4. Go to the beach (repeat performance hopefully!)
5. Thoroughly enjoy myself on my all-girls' camping weekend trip
6. Eat minimum 6 smores on said camping trip
7. Take our engagement photos
8. Buy at least one new bathing suit for above beach trips, camping trips, etc...
9. Buy a racket and proceed to allow Marrvelous to school me in the ways of tennis
10. Select/Confirm/Pay for wedding ceremony venue
11. Get out on the golf course at least 3 times to better my game
12. Thoroughly enjoy myself with Marrvelous and his two best mates on our North Carolina weekend getaway
13. Read a new book every two weeks
14. Hang family/friend photos on our wall
15. Continue to school Marrvelous in the ways of lacrosse
16. Be better about blogging
17. Host more bbqs on our glorious roof deck
18. Right after I regarden and plant more greenery up there!
19. Buy a wedding dress - or at least go and try some on!
20. Enjoy lazy nights on the deck with Marrvelous and a 6 pack
21. Scheme more ways to work in vegetarian only meals or days in our life
22. Take the annual goals from my upcoming work evaluation and really start making a name for myself at my Org.
23. Spend more time with my aunt helping her around her house
24. Start working on our housing arrangements in Florida for the holidays
25. Save, save, save
26. Right after I get a couple of cute summer dresses that is
27. and cute sandals
28. Experiment with homemade pizzas
29. Take more time to call friends (and skype with the little one in San Diego!)
30. Snuggle with my family and continue to be amazed at how great my life is!

Honeymoons (Part I)

So as it has become increasingly clear around here - I heart travel. To me, the honeymoon is where it's at! And recently there's been a lot of chatter in the interwebs about honeymoons - where to go, when to go, how long to go, how much to spend, and more. It got me thinking.

I feel like you often hear about these couples who go to Bora Bora, Fiji or some other far-off tropical locale. Do you realize how expensive it is to go to any of these amazing places? And this, after they've just typically spent a good deal on the wedding itself. Pretty astounding. Don't get me wrong, I am counting down until the day Marrvelous and I can jet off to the Maldives and shack up in a bad ass bungalow propped out over the water, where I can stare at the fishies swimming underneath through the glass floor and then just jump off from my own personal dock to go for a dip. I am ALL ABOUT IT. Trust me on that.

Sad Face

Home from another wickedly awesome trip out west. It was a quick four days but those days were filled with fish tacos, ocean breezes, baby giggles, more fish tacos, good old fashioned drunkery, helping my best friend's amazing hubby surprise her with a new car on her very first mama's day, and even more fish tacos (seriously, I dream about the fish tacos every day between my trips).

I've loved San Diego for a long time and always in the back of my mind toyed with the idea of testing it out for myself. When I was younger, I jumped at the chance to spend a few months working in Toronto, quickly followed by working in Madrid, quickly followed by a move to DC, quickly followed...you get the picture. As I've gotten older, I admit - making a big move becomes so much more difficult. I've built up a tremendous circle of support here in Philly. The majority (not all - missing a vital person..my big sis) of my immediate family lives within an hour's drive. [Not to mention that Marrvelous's parents would have to then add on a 5 hour flight over the whole of the USA to their already 7 hour flight over the whole of the Atlantic Ocean. Or reverse, for us when we fly back for visits and holidays. That's long.] And then there's the stress of career path - how to find the right job in San Diego that is a step forward, a step up. One that is also engaging and fulfills me, and one that is open to hiring someone from across the country. Gone are the days where I feel comfortable moving to a new city with nothing in place.

Fortunately, my partner in life is on the same page with me. I can't tell you how relieved, excited, happy (and a number of other positive emotions) I feel at the thought that I have found someone who sees life in a similar way. That I have a partner in crime and someone with whom I can I take these big leaps. Marrvelous and I have similar attitudes and ideas on what is important to us, to make our lives feel full, and to make our lives more complete. He too is all aboard the San Diego train.

Home Away From Home

I believe life is marked by the relationships one cultivates. The people we surround ourselves with are so important in shaping the life we live and influence how rich a life can be. Some people come into your life for only a short moment (or in some cases, when you look back and see the toxicity with open eyes, maybe it was for too long a moment), though they all serve a purpose. There are the few individuals, however, that are always there and standing by you through your ups and your downs. Months can go by without seeing one another, but when you get together it's like no time has passed. You slip into that familiar and comfortable exchange and you realize, you are home.




J Train (not my nickname for her, but I'm not sure she would appreciate me revealing on the wide world web any of the hundreds of names I've called her along the way) and I met when I was eighteen and over 300 miles away from home - our freshman year of college. We have lived together (both in and after college), as well as traveled everywhere from Dewey Beach to spring breaks in Italy to backpacking around South America. We have spent numerous joyous occasions together - New Years Eves, birthdays, and weddings. As well as many of the more challenging moments of life: break ups, deaths, cross country moves to name a few.

Making it Us

Marrvelous and I have now been planning our marriage celebration for four months. And let's just say it's been quite a ride. The ideas and thoughts that came spilling out of our mouths at lightening speed while we enjoyed our newly-minted engagement in Scotland aren't necessarily the same plans that we discuss now. In the past several months there have been numerous ideas regarding venue, location, caterers, size, timing, you name it. At one point it was a laid back traditional Memorial Day BBQ (that just happened to star a glorious white dress). At other times it was a backyard hippie love fest (this also included for a brief moment, a backyard hippie love fest in Scotland. I do love the idea of our entire US family - which includes our amazing friends - visiting Troon and coming down from their room at the Anchor Bar for a pint before a late night session at Pebbles. A girl can dream).

There was a brief moment when it was a rager in Vegas. The date has changed a few times, the venue has been up in the air, and the ideas just keep pouring in ... and out. Admittedly, a lot of this has to do with our financial restraints. We are paying for this celebration ourselves, maybe a little bit of help here and there. Ultimately we are ok with this. We always had a rough number that was our budget, and I do believe we'll be able to stick with it. You'd be stunned by the world of wedding bloggers out there now that have the most fabulous ideas for DIY.

Creating our Little Slice of Heaven

Ever since moving in with Marrvelous, I have been itching to turn our roof deck into something a bit more spectacular...a place we both want to sip our morning coffee (or tea in his case) and read the paper on Sundays, a place to grill up new recipes and eat our dinner together in the fading light during the week, and a place to have guests over for drinks and fun. As any city dweller can tell you, outdoor space is precious and always in high demand. The fact that we have a two-level roof deck, with one of the best views of the Philly skyline is something we both really value. I saw the value in it the night we met, when Marrvelous used the infamous line, "Want to come see the view from my roof deck?" (Spoiler Alert: It worked)

Now that the weather is slowly turning in the right direction, I can officially say that the deck is on its way as well.