We've been cranking through our to-do list. Still on the high of being so close and feeling productive (I'm sure it'll crash and burn soon and I'll be near hysterics and screaming "but what about stickers for the out of town boxes" at a high pitch squeal and hopefully I'll remember to just let it all go...but anyway....)

There's just this one small issue I've been avoiding - avoiding thinking about, avoiding creating a plan, and even avoiding writing about here. But then today's A Practical Wedding post happened. And I realized, I have to start confronting it.

The "IT" you ask? The IT is that on a day when Marrv and I will be surrounded by the most important people in our lives and to show our commitment in building our family together, three of the most important people in my life won't be there. My mother went first. She passed away when I was 15. Next was my brother, the second oldest in the family, bringing my siblings count from four to three when I was just 27 years old. Then, about two weeks after I turned 30, and just before he turned 72, my dad died.

I make jokes that the wedding isn't that large because my family keeps getting smaller. We're all dying off. I won't go into great detail about the impact this has had on my relationship with Marrv (I'll save that for another post), but I have noticed that now that I have my partner, he is certainly the target of a lot of my worry, concern and fear. He and I both know that every time I nag about how much red meat he eats and how it's bad for his heart (usually as I am also trying to sneak a bite of the very same bacon cheeseburger..) that it's really my fear of losing him, my need to control the relationships in my life that is the cause. Every day when I harp on the need to take daily vitamins, we know why.


Oh Snap...

Did someone say two months? TWO MONTHS!

And where is my mind currently? Pretty much in that "Throw some cash at it and hope it gets done!" crazy state of holy moly in two months exactly we're getting married in front of our family and friends!

There is still so much to do but right now, we're dealing with it and I'm feeling ok. I'm picking invites up from printers tonight, my wedding band is being cast as I type and should be finished shortly, kilts are practically ordered, and we've agreed on table top decor. Now, you know, to write the ceremony, figure out the whole flower situation (I am so lost on that one that I've barely thought about it), pick piper songs, and create our iPod playlist for the restaurant (oh yes - when I went to the reception restaurant to drop off contract and deposit they let me know that our floor has its own sound system and we can bring our iPod to play whatever music we want!!! It was just one more bit to make me love the wedding we've chosen/created).

And more than all this - I think both Marrv and I are so excited it's only 2 months away because it means only 2 months until we see all of our best friends (both those coming to the wedding and those incredible individuals helping us out even if they're not attending...our magic wedding fairies). And most importantly - only 2 months until Marrv's parents arrive from Scotland! Fortunately, I've got pretty outstanding In-laws. Unfortunately they live across a big fat ocean. It's hard only seeing them once, maybe twice, a year. We skype most Sundays, but it's not the same and this time each year is when Marrv gets especially cranky/antsy -- he knows he sees them soon which is good because he is basically at the point where he can't take seeing them much longer. And now that I've been so lovingly wrapped into this family, I feel the same way.

So yeah -- Two Months! Bring it!



I think I've talked on here before about me and surprises. I love to give them but have a horrible time pulling it off. I always seem to buy something special for Marrv as a little surprise, and then have IM'd him on our blackberries before the day is even over to tell him what it is. I buy Christmas gifts and then ask if someone wants it early. Even planning his birthday party this year was so hard because there were times I just wanted to say "Guess what is going to happen!!" And I think I've been rubbing off on him because he seems to have a hard time keeping things from me anymore as well.

Except this time he did!

As I mentioned in my last post, I was up in Boston a few weeks ago for a big work conference that took up a lot of my (and my department's) energy and focus for the past few months. So in our debrief meeting, when our director told us that we were having a pizza lunch Thursday the 7th as a "thank you" for all the hard work - I simply thought "awesome, free lunch". Which in my world, free lunch is pretty sweet and especially when it's good gourmet pizza from the shop down the road. and it's free - did I mention that?

So when I walked up to the conference room yesterday to find a closed door, I wondered if I was in the wrong place - until I opened the door to a loud chorus of "Surprise" and saw bridal shower decorations and gifts everywhere.