Sad Face

Home from another wickedly awesome trip out west. It was a quick four days but those days were filled with fish tacos, ocean breezes, baby giggles, more fish tacos, good old fashioned drunkery, helping my best friend's amazing hubby surprise her with a new car on her very first mama's day, and even more fish tacos (seriously, I dream about the fish tacos every day between my trips).

I've loved San Diego for a long time and always in the back of my mind toyed with the idea of testing it out for myself. When I was younger, I jumped at the chance to spend a few months working in Toronto, quickly followed by working in Madrid, quickly followed by a move to DC, quickly followed...you get the picture. As I've gotten older, I admit - making a big move becomes so much more difficult. I've built up a tremendous circle of support here in Philly. The majority (not all - missing a vital person..my big sis) of my immediate family lives within an hour's drive. [Not to mention that Marrvelous's parents would have to then add on a 5 hour flight over the whole of the USA to their already 7 hour flight over the whole of the Atlantic Ocean. Or reverse, for us when we fly back for visits and holidays. That's long.] And then there's the stress of career path - how to find the right job in San Diego that is a step forward, a step up. One that is also engaging and fulfills me, and one that is open to hiring someone from across the country. Gone are the days where I feel comfortable moving to a new city with nothing in place.

Fortunately, my partner in life is on the same page with me. I can't tell you how relieved, excited, happy (and a number of other positive emotions) I feel at the thought that I have found someone who sees life in a similar way. That I have a partner in crime and someone with whom I can I take these big leaps. Marrvelous and I have similar attitudes and ideas on what is important to us, to make our lives feel full, and to make our lives more complete. He too is all aboard the San Diego train.

Several months ago, Marrvelous and I sat down to write out our Goals. We wrote the goals for 2010, for the next 3 years, for the next 5, and for the next 10. This is something, as I've mentioned before, Marrvelous is better at than me. This is a man who works with a life coach (who rocks and is a dream to work with)...and I find that amazing and comforting. He acknowledges the importance of looking at his life from many angles and talking his way through the bigger questions so that he stays on track to end up where he wants to be. Marrvelous has really taught me a lot about this - and since I've been with him, I see a force within myself growing. I'm becoming more conscious in my life and actively choosing how it will be. Back to our goal writing session - we both had on our 3 year index card "Move west".

So I found myself on this trip looking more closely at For Rent signs. Reading the local papers and exploring neighborhoods with a more critical eye. Talking to more people (at the bar while I ate fish tacos) about when they moved there, their thoughts on life in SD/and in California as a whole. The ball is in motion. Of course, now that I've returned to the east coast, the sad face has shown up. I know we both have said out loud we want the move to happen. And I know we both are making decisions in our life now (career wise, financially, even wedding related) that will help us get there in our 3 year (oh please let it end up being 2 year!) plan. But when I stop to think or say "by 2013...." - oh lord that's far away. Enter sad face.

Doesn't help that Marrvelous left Sunday morning for a week in Florida (he's sitting exams in the middle of nowhere Florida. Sounds like hell on earth to me) and I didn't get home from San Diego until close to 1am on Monday. He wasn't here to give me a hug and give me his usual pep talk on how it's going to happen and we will make it happen. Instead I have to wait until Friday night to see him. In total we will go 8 days without seeing each other, not long at all, but the longest we've ever gone. (which is way weird in its own way and can be discussed another time)

And to just dump all over the rest of this, Thursday is his 30th birthday! I feel like I have failed that I won't be with him on the actual day to make sure the celebration is done right. Even though I know it's not anyone's fault - the PGA has set exam dates so he had to go and there's always this weekend to be together and eat cake. Enter double sad face now anyway.

At least I have the kitties to snuggle with and make me feel better. And dreams of our future lovely beach bungalow in San Diego!!