Weighed down with Guilt

Ok, so now that we're only roughly four months away I've been putting more thought into the logistics for our guests. Wondering when they'll arrive, where they'll stay, what meals we should provide, all of that. And now this huge weight of guilt has fallen on top of my shoulders and I can't seem to shrug it off.

Our wedding may be on the more intimate side, but there is still a group of out of towners and we're asking them to travel the weekend before the Christmas holidays. And with a Sunday morning wedding, I wonder if they'll have to stay over night until Monday as well.

I start thinking about how much it will cost them for flights. For hotels. For drinks and meals that they may need other than the two "times" we're providing. Taking time off work. Some of these younger couples have babies or infants and may even be leaving them with grandparents so they can travel a little lighter.

And all for our little, tiny, insignificant marriage celebration.

I know no one would say anything, fortunately we don't have to deal with any obnoxious obvious behavior (as far as I know...so far). But I can't help but be consumed with how bad I feel to make these people travel, pay hundreds of dollars, take time off...and all just to watch us say I Do at a small, morning ceremony followed by a small, brunch reception. Perhaps if we were having the blow out evening extravaganza that most people have - with a live band, passed hor d'ourves, photobooth, seated dinner, and open bar (though yes, our brunch reception will have an open bar, but how much can people drink at brunch when they may have to fly out that same day!! Ack. This is how my brain throws even more guilt onto my shoulders - worrying about people not properly abusing our open bar!)

We're going to see two of Marrvelous's closest Scottish friends next weekend and their families on a mini vacation to North Carolina. The one is our best man. And yet, I'm so nervous to bring up the wedding with them and to ask when they think they will fly in/out because I feel so bad that they have to spend that money and worry about that travel expense especially at the holidays - and also with these two, then worrying that because of our wedding, they won't be able to be with their families in Scotland because all of their extra vacation money went to being in Philadelphia with us.

Sigh. I hope I can get to a point where I not only tell myself to be ok with this, but that I really am ok with this. I know that it's small because it's our family and handful of closest friends. So these are people that really want to be there, but instead, right now - I just keep thinking, "Really? All of that for our little old celebration?"


  1. I totally get this. We have maybe 6 people who live in San Francisco who we're inviting to our wedding. Everyone else is from out of town. And we're asking them to come to a Monday afternoon/evening wedding. Which means that they'll need to take Monday and Tuesday off from work. It's a lot to ask, and may be more than I would be willing to do except for my closest friends and family.

    I hope people will come, but I'm not going to be surprised if they don't.

  2. As a young, recently broke person - I can say that yes, sometimes weddings cause trouble with our budgets and sometimes its hard to get time off, make the time to travel, and spend money for someone else getting married...
    We're big kids now! And if we didn't want to, we wouldn't. And since we do, we find a way! Money is money and there are always things we are trying to fit into our limited budgets. But friends and family are worth making it fit!

    So don't feel guilty and just make sure to give them a BIG and SINCERE thank you. Because that makes it all worth it! :)

  3. I second what both of those wise ladies said before me.

    And you know what, this is the norm these days. The majority of guests at our wedding will be coming from various places around the country, and it's been this way with most recent weddings I've attended. People are travelling farther and wider for school and jobs than generations before us, and marrying people outside of their hometown, state, or even country.

    I think the people who understand and are just happy to be invited far outweigh those that feel inconvenienced. It's one of those instances where, as sensitive hosts, we put much more importance on the one or two vocal annoyed people than the dozens of happy-to-be-there people.

    Your wedding isn't something that's taking people away from living their lives for a few days - your wedding is the kind of event that life is about, dude!

  4. @Sarah - I know, I went full into it knowing we had to be understanding if people couldn't make it, as much as we really really hope they can

    @Jen - Thank you! I know, I keep telling myself to reverse the situation and honestly it wouldn't be an issue for us - we'd make it work, and if we couldn't then we'd be upfront about it but there's just that twinge of "ooh sorry" running through my head :)

    @Kerry - that last statement was so meaningful, thank you thank you. I keep trying to tell myself that this is how everyone else sees it - that they couldn't imagine not being there, and maybe it's not the most inconvenient but that they want to be a part of that memory.

    Thank you ladies - brings tears to my eyes to have such support from all of you. Ugh, it's so crazy how nervous I feel. I've noticed myself sort of downplaying all of our plans to those people, almost trying to give them an "out" - fortunately I've got a good group around me who seems just insistent on showing up! ;)

  5. I think the other comments pretty much summed it up, but you are not *making* these people do anything; you are inviting them to share in one of the most intimate, honest, and important days of your life. Receptions with DJs and strobe lights are not why people travel to weddings (or, at least, not why I do); it's to witness this amazing little budding of a family and support two people as they strike out on something truly awesome.

    All that said, I definitely feel you on fretting about bothering people/putting them out with wedding stuff. I blame it on Bridezilla backlash fear.

  6. I was living in southest Chile when I found out that two of my favorite people were getting married in Philadelphia last Christmas. I was so bummed that I was so far away-for five minutes. Then I started looking at plane tickets and found a great deal. By the time the big day rolled around and I was borrowing my brother's car to drive to Germantown, a huge snowstorm blew in and I missed the whole thing.

    The only thing that made me mad was missing the wedding. Not once did I regret spending a lot of money or time(it 48 hours of travel door to door!)or being away from home for so long. I chose to go to the wedding, just like people who really want to see you get married will happily make the effort. So no worries, you get married where you live and people will come! I just hope it doesn't snow again, because I think your date is the same as my friends' was!

  7. @Olivia - Thank you darling. Congrats on your last day of "work" and hopefully we can have some drinks soon once your back state-side, whether you are still a bachelorette or newlywed wife!!

    @Alycia - Yes! Our date, Dec. 19 was definitely a HUGE blizzard last year. And for that reason we just know it will be mild this year. Right?! Right?! Anyway, thank you though for your comments, you're so right - I know there have been similar situations for me, and I don't give it a second thought, I know that I'm going to go no matter what. Although you are one super supportive and loving friend to travel so far!